The Universe Hates You, Cloud
by Tori101
Summary: Blunt and simple, the Universe hates Cloud. Oneshot. Slight CloudTifa romance.


**The Universe Hates You, Cloud**

**_Disclaimer_**: Final Fantasy 7 doesn't belong to me.

You wonder why the universe hates you. You wonder why it seems that you just weren't meant to have any happiness. You wonder why the world even let you live. '_If life was just going to screw you over, why even let you exist?_' you frequently wonder.

It seems that everything bad that has ever happened to the world is connected to you in some way, shape, or form. Whether it be the world nearly being destroyed, or anyone who's ever made contact with you undergo some sort of suffering, it always leads back to you. And then it seems whenever the precious universe is in danger, you're called to save the world. '_Isn't that effed up?_' you'll ask yourself. But you do it anyway, because…you really don't know why.

But when you try to stop other people from getting close to you, it seems they just try harder to get closer to you. You know they're just trying to be your friend and trying to help you, but don't they know that you're trying to help them too? Don't they know you keep them at a distance so they stay safe? Don't they know you don't want anyone else to be cursed by you?

Of course, the universe must find it really fun to screw around with you. Like you're a rubber band, and it wants to stretch you this way and that, seeing how far beyond your limit it can pull you before you snap.

Whenever you try to run off though, telling yourself, forcing onto yourself, that it's for the best that you leave, you can never get too far. You always stop when you're so close, and your heart begs you to turn around and stay. You may not go back immediately, but you don't leave either—you just drift around, not too close, but never too far away.

Then there's her. Tifa. You can't leave her, not entirely. She's the one you want to save the most, save her from yourself. But knowing this, you can't help but be a little closer to her than you really should. It's not her face, or her looks, and definitely not her body that you like about her. It's the fact that she's the one trying the hardest to become closest to you. It's because no matter how much you push her away, she still welcomes you back with open arms when you come back like a small puppy with his tail between his legs.

She makes you forget about the others you weren't able to save from your curse. You try extra hard to keep her safe, because you don't want to lose her too. You wouldn't be able to bare it, because it would hurt you more than you can imagine, to lose someone _this close_ **_again_**.

You're digging her grave though, the closer to her you get. And you know this, you know it all too well, because you've done it twice before.

Aerith. Tifa is a lot like Aerith, in the ways you compare them. Aerith was close to you, too. And she'd always give you comfort when you needed it. She always had a smile, and her touches calmed you, and made you feel like you weren't cursed. You even believed that the universe was trying to apologize for being a bastard, by letting you meet Aerith. But if it was an apology, it was a fake, because Aerith was run through by some long haired punk who apparently used to be your hero. Of course, you killed him. More for her than yourself and for saving the world, though.

Then there was Zack. He'd been everything you'd wanted in a friend. He was nice, didn't belittle you, didn't tell you you'd never amount to anything in the world. He was also strong, and gave you another person to believe in. You had him around the same time you had Aerith, and you believed life was going to be okay. But then the universe turned your world upside down, and took him away too. When he was just trying to help you get away.

You know being with Tifa is only going to hurt you both really badly in the end, whether it be sooner or later. You want to protect her, but you can't get yourself to leave her. You're being selfish, but you're being selfless at the same time. Selfish for staying around an innocent when you're so tainted, but selfless for wanting to protect her from yourself, with yourself as a shield.

Your logic's twisted, somewhat, but who really cares? It's not like anyone really understands you anyway. Except maybe Tifa, because she's holding your hand right now. While you scream, yell, shout, cry, curse, and hate the universe for effing up your life, she's sitting beside you, holding your hand, and enduring your pain with you. She doesn't want you to leave later, like you always do after a good, manly cry and loud ranting with her bedroom ceiling who substitutes for the universe.

When you move to get up, you're ready to pull your hand away from her and storm out of the Seventh Heaven, hop on your motorbike, and drive out in no particular direction, but something holds you back. You turn, and see she's still holding your hand. Her eyes are pained, and you can tell she's upset now.

'_Please don't go,_' she begs you, tears in her eyes. She tugs on your sleeve, hoping you'll answer. Hoping you'll stay.

You don't answer, and try to pull away from her gently. When she finally let's your sleeve slip through her fingers, she tries to get close enough to embrace you, hoping you'll stay with her this time.

But you don't let her get close enough, you don't want her to touch you again. If she does, you just might stay. So instead, she looks down at the old floor boards. She knows you'll be leaving, so she stops trying to get closer to touch you. Instead, she looks back up at you with _those_ eyes. The ones that could break your heart, if the universe hadn't given it to you shattered in the first place.

'_You'll come back, right?_' she then asks, looking at you, and again hoping for an answer she knows she won't get.

You don't answer her. She knew you wouldn't. You don't answer her, because you think if you don't you might actually be able to get away this time. You might actually be able to ride away, far away from here, and get her far, far away from the danger of yourself for every mile you run away from her.

But once you're riding away, almost at the point where you have never been able to cross, you stop. You realize you can't go any farther, and you have to go back. Back to where she'll be waiting patiently on the porch for your return. She'll welcome you with a relieved smile, and a warm embrace. She'll be happy that you stayed, and you'll be tearing yourself up inside for not leaving.

Yet, you don't want to show her, prove that she's right, that' you'll always come back. So you take whatever roads you find, hoping that they take you someplace far away, yet knowing they're just leading you around through a maze, taking you slowly, ever so slowly, back to her. Back to where you want to be far away from. Back to where you most want to be.

When you pull up late at night, you see she's sitting on one of the chairs outside, a blanket wrapped around her body. She's asleep, and you wonder if you can try to run away again, knowing she doesn't even know you're back yet. But she turns in her sleep, and you notice she shivered. You know you can't turn around again, so you walk up to her. Taking her into your arms, you walk into the bar, and carry her to your shared room: her room.

While you lay her down under her blankets, you notice that she looks relieved, as though she knew you were there. You even guess that she was only pretending to sleep, but you don't say anything. Going to sit down on your bed, you watch her chest rise up and fall down. Then you stare out the window, and you think about how the universe hates you all over again.

But then you look back at her, and you clear your head. It's hard, to push some of your memories to the back of your mind, but knowing that you'll sleep dreamless and guilt-free sleep is all the push you need.

Of course, you know, that once you fall asleep, your memories will resurface and you'll have silent nightmares. You'll relive every moment you begged on your knees to God you could forget. And then, only after the universe has its fun showing you just how much it hates you, you'll wake up, and she'll be beside you. Like every other morning before.

She'll have her arms around you, and sometimes her cheek will be on your chest, above your heart. Sometimes she'll be awake, staring at you with soft eyes and a gentle smile, glad that you're home.

Every night, you're reminded why the universe hates you, and you've learned through out your life that it wants to take everything you hold close away. But every morning, when she greets you with a smile and the small question of what you want for breakfast, you're reminded why you want to keep her close to you so much. Damn the universe and its sadism. You're going to protect her from your curse, because you can't live through losing her, and you refuse to live without her. She's the one thing, you won't let the universe take away.

_**Fin**_


End file.
